I´m turning. Though you aren´t. I´m moving. Though you aren´t. Just like then. Now you are standing right before me again. Overwhelmed. Appalled by the presence that brings me much too close. Back then you were leaning just like that. At the bar. The narcotic substance already in reach. And when I walked. The jealousy walked with me, almost dashing. Deafening dashing. Your pulse wasn´t at all as paralyzed as your glance. My eyes, I only had for you. If you believed it, I don´t believe it. I was sneaking through the room. On predatory paws rivals followed me that were none. And yet, back then as today, your view was bewitched. You liked what you saw. It got too close to you though. I was the one that made you who you wanted to be. I was the one that came up to you. Like waves, huge waves, I was to flood everything.
Just like then I stand before you now. Here. Here and now. Nobody ever had dared to think of it. Though both us were called for it. Long time after everything was already over. Nothing had even begun yet. Although we hadn´t won anything, but lost everything. I couldn´t help but wondering.
You were leaning at the bar, the narcotic in your sketched hand. I saw myself at the wall, standing, going, and about to fall. Your deep black gaze, that always frightened me and that was my hollow I´ve always wanted to escape to, is amazed. Mad about what it sees. It is just that glaze that always was so scared of mine. It were the eyes that got lost in each other, already back then. It were the eyes everything was to begin with. Everything will end in. Out of which the whole blood will bleed, flood again. I know it, I feel it. I want it.
There you stand now, well finally. How long did I crave for this. For the pain. For your heart. For your heart so beatific bleeding. How long have all your words had my mind as catacombs in which they horrifiyingly from wall to wall had swept, clanged, sounded. Now you are silent. And everything I want is. You are. Near. Nearer. Your mouth. My mouth. Our lips had already found each other back then, and lost each other in our eyes. Air we swallowed. Wholly into our hearts. Pain wasn´t to feel anymore. Because we kissed. We kissed forever more.
I feel how everything is breaking, everything is healing. All is speeding, running to me. Surges, waves, winds are intoxicating me. It is you. With all your power that is laughing at me after the very absolute kiss. What did we think?
I want to tell the story. That is hanging somewhere in the air. Somewhere in between the hundreds of kilometers. Somewhere at the starry sky. Somewhere in one of the rooms filled with smoke. Somewhere lost in the current line. The story that actually doesn´t even exist.
The story, in which I love you. In which you love me, too. In which I am not sure, if you really do, or if you are even able to. It is the story of the first love, of the true one, of the only one. It is the story that dreams. That lets you slide into bloody water that makes you see the world veiled and rose. It is also the story that grabs you with rough hands, that wants to cut your lungs from air and drown you back to reality. It is the story that sometimes feels like a romantic movie, then like an attempt to self-destruction, then like brutal reality, and that makes you at one point believe it would tell about pure luck. It is a story, after which I thought, I had gone mad.