I see the one who is now standing next to me. Either he has blue eyes or he hasn´t. Your mouth though he hasn´t. The one who is standing now next to me is the one who surely won´t leave. And who still gets lost inside of me. It is the one who looks at me and who loves it so much. The one I met at the bar or there in front of the Monet. The one from the street, in a suit, with your nose. Though it isn´t you. You are not hit by what has to hit him. There´d be that about the kiss. That he now feels that there has to be more. His lips don´t fit. Perfectly.
But I am mad about him. Because he is my only hope, my only saviour. I dream of the wind that brings me to you, that lets me flee from you. And now he´s standing there next to me, his glance all over me, because he feels what´s about to come. His hand is crawling into my waist. I don´t want ayway from him, and nothing do I want more. I turn around in my vivid grave. There´s no vodka helping anymore, no rum. I rush the content of my glass to get inside of me. How much I rushed into his water, that fell down on me, that promised everything to me. How much I rushed into his mouth, into his eyes.
His eyes were welling. I´m the angel of misfortune, that´s who I am. His angel of misfortune, your angel of misfortune, my angel of misfortune. My shining curls have led you all astray. My pure eyes are your worst enemy. In those you see how much I love him, how much I love you. He is still standing beside me. Still hasn´t fled. I´m clinging to him, to my last reachable rope. It was his hope – to be my saviour.
He loves me. And I, the angel of misfortune, I can´t. I´m playing my games to survive, I´m waiting for the moment to push him over the edge. For the moment in which I´ll look down on him, soak up all his screams and forever crave for him. Yet you are standing all still on the other side. The third glass already swallowed. I wish you dead. I see myself in red. Standing next to your lifeless body. Looking at you, looking at you. Is all I ever wanted to do. For the rest of my life.
Waking up. Your hands in my devils curls. Your sleepy eyes how they very slowly, so slowly, full of excited anticipation, full of hesitating luck, begin to open. Till you blink through your black lashes and a dreamy smiling rushes over your face. Then your fingers disappear again in my hair and you close your beautiful eyes again. All I see are your eyelids and all I hear is a satisfied sigh, so deep, that it rushes into my bones and still echoes in my heart. I wish you`d never forget.
What you are for me. Are you wondering. But I, I don´t know. You are everything to me and also nothing. You are where I´m running to, inside. You are what´s eroding me. You are what I want to escape from. My screams, they sob, they cry so silent. Only in my soul I admit that I want you. You, with all your pain, with all your, by hatred and doubt, eaten up heart.