[Love, don´t try me, let me try you…]

The attempt to find out, if you´ll break me yet again, if you won´t keep anything of what you never promised, over and over again remains unattempted. Every single sentence is recorded on a tape that kicks in as soon as it is dark. After a while it has become scratches, unnatural pauses, until only rags are played. The pauses are filled with all that is not existent yet, with all that never has been and never will be. One cigarette after another ends up exhausted in the ashtray. Coffee rushes into my system and brings me less clarity than black dark. Insecurity destroys every chance, destroys everything, what never has been and everything that ever could be. Unlikely probability calculation is used on something that can´t be calculated. Beyond recognition is discussed what is impossible to discuss, for what there are not even words. What are we hoping for? Are we hoping for risks that are none? Are we hoping for predictable disasters and happy endings? What do we want? The catastrophe? The just as unbearable state of happiness?

Stagnancy is deadly. And I lie wasted under all these thoughts that are so unthinkable. Coverages are required, vows, so that in case of emergency not we are the ones to blame. There is too much fear and too little courage. At the same time there is so much intended confidence and much too little anger. A long time ago the picture was disunited, destroyed. Ruins were crumbling to the floor to be picked up tediously later. Much time was needed, a lot of strength in pairs, many words, even more confidence and belief. And the picture that now again is complete and attracts, wants to steal my tired of life insecurity. To me it was worth to give all that, so that the pictures in my heart would come to life again. So where does this thought come from, you wouldn’t be worth to live it out?

There are experiences that can’t be erased. There are injuries that can’t be forgotten but maybe forgiven. But if I’m able to do all this because I want to, then I want to be able to because I want you…

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